dear so called friend

so my mom has notified me today that she has sent you a message last week or so to see if you were still interested in the trip. i didnt know she had done that, but she brought it up because she hasn’t heard back from you and clearly i haven’t either. so, im gonna just assume you’re not interested anymore and save you some money and give you the option to back out- but please read the rest of what i have to say before you make your final decision.
so far this year im sure we’ve had a handful of conversations and i can’t take it any longer. i seriously have to ask you a million questions before i can get something out of you. i have no problem telling you stuff about my life, not that it’s entirely interesting, but i have considered you a friend and that’s what a friend does. they tell each other things, voluntarily, without having to worried if the other is really interested anymore. 
just so you know this is how i see this. 

spring 2015 you rarely spoke to me because you had Damian.

spring 2016 we didn’t talk because you decided that steven was a great person rather than our friendship.

spring 2017 you’ve got rick to hear all about your life and spend all your time with and you seem to not really tell me about it or really care to hang out with me.
I don’t care if you’ve found another person to relate too and be romantically involved but for love of Christ keep me posted. I want to know the good and bad, all I ever hear is the bad and how you don’t know how longer you can take it. At that point I’m like bitch gtfo and find someone else. 
i am a human being with actual emotions. i am so tired of being hurt every year because I don’t have a steady friend because you’ve got a guy in your life. don’t even try to text me back with some stuff that im making this up and that our lives are crazy, because i know i’m at least 99% right and our lives are not entirely crazy. before these guys were in your life we saw each other quite frequently. so many excuses are not valid. 
im not going to argue with you about what’s in my head because it’s been consistent. i mean you make me feel like crap, I honestly had to drag you out of your house because we haven’t seen each other in months and you didn’t feel like going out. i was only really pushing it because I missed you and I thought hey maybe she missed me too. i guess not. 
if all this time you thought I was fine and happy you were wrong to assume and wrong to not even ask. don’t you dare tell me it’s a two way street, I’ve ALWAYS gone out of my way to ask you and support you and comfort you and pep you up and do everything in my power to make sure I was making you happy. dare I say it you did bare minimum.
another thing, it really shouldnt be a problem, but I figured I might as well lay it all out. essentially, I never made money the issue for when it came to your xmas gift and bday gift. I didn’t lie to you and say your gift is in the mail when I couldn’t afford or forgot a present for you. not that this is what it’s about I’m just trying to openly write out everything that has rubbed me the wrong way. 
now, this can be really ugly and you A. send me a passive response, or B. you don’t even reply at all and we cut loose right here, right now. or maybe C. it’ll be a mixed feelings kind of thing where you feel guilty of some stuff and maybe also point out my flaws in our friendship. or possibly D. you accept my entire thought process in this novel I’ve written and you respond to it entirely via call or text and maybe we figure it out and admit our faults entirely and actively engage in each other’s lives while balancing other relationships that we may encounter throughout our lifetime like adults. 
at this point I’m just tired of trying to decipher what’s going on with you anymore. I don’t want to ask, I want to feel valid enough in your life where you come to me and still see me as a somewhat viable friend. 

*actual message i’m about to send, names have been changed to respect my identity and others*

Please excuse my serious grammatical errors 
thank you white screen

-q.e.

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